| VAS Littlecrow Stuff |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|12:14 am] |
If you have been following this blog since the beginning, you might know who this character is. If you do, be aware that the PG-13/R-ish online graphic novel version of this project is coming pretty damn soon. I started working on this mess at age 9. It's finally coming to full fruition.
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| LMFAO!!! Was I ever douchebag. This needs to be an Xmas movie! |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|04:13 pm] |
[This is a public apology. All names except for Loki's and mine have been removed to protect the bewildered and to ensure maximum hilarity.]
Okay, the whole big drama with the in-laws about my blogging, the disappearing family photos (not the old ones from Loki's teen years, but the digital ones) and my sister-in-law has finally been resolved. The best part is that everyone involved feels like a total idiot. Nothing a bit of chocolate mint Irish cream Vas apology couldn't solve. So, what was core behind this two-month long clusterfuck? Minnesota Nice. Seriously. This is how it all shook down.
[Loki had asked his sister to meet with him for lunch with us at a neutral place, so we could resolve whatever blood was going between her, mother-in-law and us before Christmas. Mayhem ensued, for the next hour and a half, when his sister backed out and demanded that only he meet with her at the family farm. Loki, wanting a neutral place to meet asked her why. She wouldn't explain, but the conversation grew heated.]
SIL: I'm sick of you playing these games!
Loki: What games? I just want to make peace before Christmas!
SIL: I don't want your wife here, this is between you and me.
Loki: What did I do?
[Heated argument ensues. She hangs up on him. He calls back. The argue some more. Me and my blog comes up.]
Loki: If you have a problem with my wife's blog, why don't you talk to her! [Loki hands me the phone.]
Vas: IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH ME, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME AND GET IT DONE, RATHER THAN TERRORIZING MY HUSBAND AND MOTHER-IN-LAW! What the hell is wrong with you?
SIL: [Silence.]
Vas: Are you going to answer? Or are you a fucking coward? I have no issue with your mother, and I don't understand why fucking had to selectively cherry-pick my blog and ignore the good stuff to hurt her. She has been trying so hard to understand me and I fucking don't appreciate you doing that to her.
SIL: [Silence.]
Vas: Did you hang-up on me? I guess you're just that kind of person.
SIL: [Hangs up.]
Loki: She hang-up?
Vas: Yup. Go by yourself. Call me if you need me there. You need to deal with this stupid bitch once and for all.
[I spent most of the time after Loki left talking to a friend who gave me a little package with a beautiful rosary. I was silently praying the beads as the suspense killed me. An hour later Loki returns from the farm.]
Vas: Hey baby, how did it go?
Loki: You're not gonna believe this...
Vas: What?
Loki: Well, my sister is sorry about giving mom the entries, but mom said it was a good thing because, it let you two talk things out.
Vas: Cool, I'm glad she gets it!
Loki: They were very offended about the dad blogs.
Vas: What the fuck did I say that was so offensive, aside from genealogy stuff?
Loki: Apparently, they are concerned about his memory being tarnished, he was a school board director after all.
Vas: I don't understand what I said that was so awful about your dad, that your sister had to go and frame me?
Loki: I don't either...
Vas: What about the me being framed, that's what's messing with my melon.
Loki: About that. A--- didn't do it. M----- didn't do it either. A------ did it.
Vas: Huh? Why?
Loki: She was organizing mom's photo files and accidentally put them in a folder that no one could find. They weren't stolen or deleted.
Vas: Are you shitting me?
Loki: Nope.
Vas: [Cackling hysterically.] BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!! Boy, I feel like an asshole. HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAH!
Loki: Yeah, you were.
Vas: [Still laughing.] Why didn't they just tell us, and save themselves the fucking drama?
Loki: I don't know, I think they were just too embarrassed to say anything. Maybe they thought they were being polite...
Vas: Or, passive aggressive.
Loki: I think they just assumed that you would forget about the whole thing.
Vas: Forget about possibly being framed? OH MY GOD! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!! Minnesotans are so weird! MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!! [In tears.] Oh whatever, this is funniest shit I've heard all year, even if I feel like a total douchebag now. Oh well, hopefully they'll learn to communicate next time.
Loki: One can hope.
Vas: HOO HOOO HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! This totally calls for an alcoholic apology. Where's the Irish cream? M----- probably needs it after being exposed to the Wrath of Vas with her Minnesota filters. HAHHAHAHHAHAH!!! That's so awesome. Let's go.
Loki: NOW? But I just got back...
Vas: Ahhhh! Dude, It's Irish Cream and it has minty chocolate. [Still giggling like a gobbling turkey] It'll totally save Christmas after! We need to go now!
Loki: Do I have...
Vas: Yes! To the Soccermobile!
[Thus, we brought the liquid apology and introduced Loki's family to the joys of mint chocolate Irish cream whiskey. After discussing movies, work, laughing at ourselves, and the Vas eating crackers and cheese along with crow, it looked like our family Christmas was saved after all. As we left the house, the magical miracle of the holidays happened.]
Mother-In-Law: Thank you for introducing us to a new Christmas vice.
Vas: You are most welcome.
Loki: Vas, you're corrupting my family.
Vas: Well, it's about damn time.
Moral of the story: Communicate and never assume. When you assume, you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me." |
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| Writer's Block: New lease on life |
[Dec. 20th, 2009|02:34 pm] |
During a major life-threatening health event (if you don't know what it was already, it doesn't matter,) I had to make a choice: Allow myself to die in peace, or prevent my grandfather from committing suicide by way of starvation in order to cope with his own health problems and his depression over my grandmother's worsening dementia.
I was too weak to walk. I could barely breath on my own. My body was covered in bruises that would appear from doing things as innocuous as putting on clothes. My gums were pus-filled and covered in abscesses, in spite of the fact that my teeth were perfectly maintained. Vomiting seemed like an hourly event, and it got to the point that when I visited friends, they were pretty much used to it. Loki told me that I smelled like death, and in fact, I did smell of rotten blood. The constant pain the seared through my every fiber was as if I were being flayed, salted and put through a meat grinder, alive. When I wasn't asleep for sixteen hours or more, my days were spent wishing for death.
In spite of knowing my state, my family begged me to save my grandfather. He wouldn't listen to anyone else, but they knew he would listen to his favorite grandchild. I didn't want to do it, but I loved my abuelito more than anyone else in the whole wide world, and they offered to help Loki and I with our tickets. Puking on the TSA agent almost made the arduous trip worthwhile, but it was still the most miserable plane ride in my life. I felt bad for the guy sitting next to me, as I went through two barf bags.
My dad knew I had been sick, but seeing the extent of how the illness had destroyed me, was devastating for him. I didn't want the rest of my family to see me that way, but I was on a mission, so my comfort did not matter. Seeing my once regal grandparents filthy and neglected, because my cousin did not keep his end of the bargain as their caretaker, was hard-enough. The sight of my war hero grandfather being reduced to a skeletal frame renewed my fighting spirit.
"Grandpa," I told him in Spanish as I braced myself against my walking cane, "I know it's hard to eat when you are sick, but I'm sick too and I have to eat in order to get better." My grandfather eyes watered because I needed a cane to walk and was breathing oxygen out of a tank. (I didn't want to show up with a wheel chair, so I made a big effort to stand on my feet.) Dad, Loki, grandma and I, cleaned out a fridge-full of rotten food, and explained to grandpa that he didn't have to hoard the food from the meal delivery plan they had paid for. We primped up the garden and cleaned the house. Grandma and grandpa took showers. Before long, we had them and their home looking like a million bucks. I talked to the pharmacist about delivering my grandparents medication to them. He gladly obliged. Dad made a plan of action for grandpa, called social services and made arrangements with my uncle to move my grandparents closer to his home.
As a reward for a job well-done, dad took Loki and I to the rainforest. Reflecting upon what had just happened amongst the majesty of the thick vegetation, ancestral tradition and the indescribably pure air was the best medicine I could've had. After that moment nothing else mattered, aside living life to the fullest.
Grandpa lived one more year. He really enjoyed his new housing arrangements with grandma and my relatives. He lived to be honored in his beloved church for his sacrifices as an US Army Soldier and the many lives he saved. My grandfather felt guilty and tortured about his service in the military and its shattering effect on his family life. Thankfully, this ceremony gave him the peace this imperfect, yet kind and honest man deserved. He died in his sleep from surgical complications a month after breaking his hip.
I am still alive as well, being a perverted workaholic pain-in-the-ass. I can't describe how happy I am to have chosen life. It's really all I have when everything else is gone. |
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| Writer's Block: Book worms unite! |
[Dec. 19th, 2009|05:56 pm] |
Best 3
3- Charlotte's Web by E.B. White - Probably one of the most perfect pieces of children's literature ever created.
2- 1984 by George Orwell - This is a prophetic book that seems to get more prophetic by the day. Nowhere near as preachy as Animal Farm. I first read it in high school, and it still continues to be relevant.
1- The Holy Bible - I am especially fond of Job and the Song of Solomon.
Worst 3
3- Krazy Kat by Jay Cantor - I read this book when I was twelve years old. It was the first book I that ever read from cover to cover in a single day, because it was so relentlessly awful. I hoped at the turn of every page that the pretentious, soulless, and plodding mess would get better. It never did. The seemingly endless stream of sex scenes had a kind of awkward and eye-clawingly dull eroticism that only the movie Showgirls has ever managed to replicate. The sheet music for "Anything Goes" used in lieu of an actual ending for this bucket of soiled cat litter passing for a book, served as its only redeeming quality. Did I mention that I am normally a huge fan of all things Krazy Kat?
2- Anything by Laurell K. Hamilton. It's like reading early Anne Rice novels with excessive weapons specifications, and the sex appeal of the average high school slut.
1- The Holy Bible - The genealogical details and health code legislations are especially painful to read. |
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| Writer's Block: Birthday Shout-out |
[Dec. 19th, 2009|05:17 pm] |
Harry Potter reminds me of Doritos and Taco Bell. They're, good for kids, stoners and those who are hungry for any literary meal. Never quite as satisfying for the person looking to devour a luxurious literary feast, or good home-cooked tale. |
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| Writer's Block: The Best Action Adventure Epic Ever |
[Dec. 19th, 2009|04:57 pm] |
There's a tie between Apocalypto! and the Princess Bride. Both films are larger than life. Both films are stunning to look at. Both films are hilarious. Apocalypto! has sick humor and crazy gore. Princess Bride has Andre the Giant and revenge! I could never choose between them.
I like to watch Apocalypto! on Thanksgiving and on Princess Bride for Christmas. It only seems right. |
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| Toys for Nosy Bitches |
[Dec. 19th, 2009|04:05 pm] |
The new LiveJournal MyGuests visitor's log is tops even if it's creepy Orwellian stuff! I am able to check out all the people who are specifically looking at my blog. It's pretty cool and fun to see how many visitors I get!
Don't worry Nik, I haven't written anything else about you (good or bad) since I publicly accepted your latest, but finally, sincere apology. I am baffled, yet tremendously flattered that you actually were still reading my blog as of December 6 2009, 20:59. I guess your interest in my work must be pretty intense for you to still tune into this venue, in spite of everything that happened. Oh well, I hope your career is going well.
Now to check out the new visitor's stats feature! I really hope it has IP numbers. :D |
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| Writer's Block: There is nothing lonely about honesty. |
[Dec. 17th, 2009|08:19 am] |
YES and YES! If your partner, friend or family member needs to live in a lie in order to accept you, that's a really bad sign. I was a lot more miserable when I would tell little white lies in order to spare people's feelings, because invariably, they would always backfire and cause more hurt feelings. Conversely, I ask for the same level of candor from others. I would much rather have wounded pride, than a wrecked relationship. The former is much easier to heal. I consider distorted perception as a major symptom of my combined mental illnesses. The more lies (regardless of intention, or my own cognizance about them) I tell, the more likely it is that my mental health is in grave jeopardy. Being truthful is a sign that I am more confident and sane. If my bluntness makes me seem like an asshole (and with autism, that not hard to do,) so be it. I would rather be an asshole than a liar.
I do have secrets, because I don't feel the need to share every bit of information with everyone. (Believe it or not, there's a lot of stuff I don't discuss with most people.) For example, my mother-in-law holds a Midwestern value system, and does not want to hear every gory detail of my sex life. So as a courtesy, I don't talk to her about it. However, if I am asked or if I know that withholding information is going to lead to long term problems, I don't feel any compulsion to hold back. Only Loki knows the majority of my secrets. He is my husband, and I feel a responsibility to keep him fully abreast of who I am, to keep the marriage working. Even when there has been infidelity, the fact that we have warned each other and that we talk about every minutae, has kept our marriage stable. Conversely, he does not ask me to save face by lying to his family or hiding who I am, anymore. Complying with kind of request is what nearly drove us to divorce in the first year of our marriage, and created much bad blood between his family and I.
I am a firm believer that honesty is the best policy, even if it hurts like a twisted knife to the chest. I do exaggerate for dramatic or comedic effect, if the situation call for it, since that is pretty much the way of the storyteller. I also have been known to create convincing personnas (semi-fictional characters) like Catnose, Mrs. Crow, and Phoebe Phrodos for storytelling that combines people other than myself, marketing, cartooning, practical jokes and mental mindfucks. Even my Vanesa (Vas) Littlecrow personna is a somewhat augmented, hypersexual and almost cartoonish version, of the far more civilized, professional and reclusive person legally known as Vanesa Littlecrow Wojtanowicz (Nee Colon-Ortiz). At least, I am upfront about this and I occassionally try to give my readers a little reminder that the online me, is really just an edited for "content and interest" version of the offline me. Aside from my carpal, this is also why I prefer face-to-face or phone conversations when serious matters need to be discussed. The stuff that's missing from my blog is reserved for a priviledged few.
"The truth shall set you free." - John 8:32 |
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